Thursday, 12 April 2012

Another return to the blogosphere

A friend alerted me to a recent comment to an earlier post so I went to see what was written so that I could respond. This was the first time in many months that I have been here. The reasons for this were many. First and foremost, however, was the need for me to withdraw from the world and do one hell of a lot of internal housekeeping, the details of which are not relevant here but may well emerge over the course of my return to blogging. I have made abortive attempts to do this a couple or so times since my return from Hungary in late 2009 but none have been continued. However, I have been rereading some of my previous posts and noting that while some of the things I have written are still valid today, some of the things I would now revise.

But I will not go back and re-edit or delete anything. I will let it all stand - even if there be some I will find I regret having ever written. My life is only a work in progress - a progress that I hope to continue for many years yet. So I will write now about how I am now and, if any reader cares to point out places where I have, or appear to have, shifted my position I will either own to it or explain the apparent inconsistency.

Another reason for deserting the blog is that I have been concerned with a more academic, albeit necessarily often speculative, account of the history of the goddess Inanna from pre-history to the present day. It has involved much reading of the bible. I first typed "bile" there and this is perhaps a rather revealing Freudian typo. For much of the bible is undoubtedly bile - the bitter and twisted rantings of bitter and twisted men. Much is, however, very beautiful and wise, compassionate and loving. I had focused on the old men and forgotten that within the bath in which they wallowed was a very beautiful and wise baby, whom I was in danger of flushing away.

In short, I have been living inside my own head a lot. This has involved a large amount of emulating the ostrich as far as the events in the outside world are concerned. A lot of this is because I am, simply, often very frightened at the way the world, and my country in particular is going. I have chosen largely to ignore this fear and push it down along with the anger the fear has triggered.

So no word has been written about all this. In my attempts to be as academically rigorous as possible I have failed to acknowledge my own subjectivity. The result of this has been a severe writers block. I have probably written about this before - I do not want to go back and check, for that may well result in censorship, but before now I had lost all my confidence in my right to speak about anything.

But write I must. The only way to beat writer's block is to get into the habit of writing.

So it is back to blogging. I n0 longer really care if anyone reads me or not. If anyone does and agrees with me it will be gratifying to my ego. If they read me and think me a pillock I will try to meet that with equanimity. For, after all, my opinions are as ephemeral as those of anyone - some will die with me and some may change tomorrow and it doesn't really matter.

So, if anyone is reading this, I hope you will enjoy what is coming as much as I will enjoy writing it.


Medusa said...

Somebody is reading this, and waiting...

Idris said...

Thanks Medusa

There is more to come...