Sunday, 10 May 2009

A major change

As I said yesterday, I was planning to make a major change today. Well, it is done. I have changed my name. Or, more, accurately, I have decided to use my second given name for most purposes - on its own, without family name. There is a long story behind this and it really started the first time I came to Hungary and was brought to a place called Dobogókő - in the Pilis Hills, close to Budapest. An incredibly beautiful place which overlooks the Danube bend - where the river makes a sharp right hand turn to the south. According to the Dalai Lama, this is the site of the heart chakra of the planet. Having come from Glastonbury, which also has claims to this distinction, I was, I confess, somewhat sceptical before arriving. This scepticism was, however, soon put away when I realised that- despite my very little competence in geomancy - both claims were correct and that there was a very strong link, amounting to an identity, between the two. It was then that I knew that, for good or ill, my destiny lay in Hungary.

It was also then that i felt a very strong call to change my name. I resisted, thinking that it was pretentious and unnecessary - my old sceptic reasserting himself. Over the years, however, in ceremony, prayer and meditation, the conviction that this is what I should do, would enter my head - only for me to try to push it down and bury it.

Over the last few weeks, however, it has come back with renewed strength On one list i am on, several people wrote about changing their names. I started thinking again. The, a few days ago, a very dear priestess friend telephoned me from England and in the course of a very long conversation i told her something of what has happened in my life since I initiated as Priest of Inanna. She then asked me what name I had taken. And I realised that this was an important part of the process that I had neglected. The conversation then convinced me that I must remedy that at the first opportunity. Then, the next day, i was invited to a ceremonial day out in the Pilis hills. So this seemed the perfect opportunity. So I began, seriously, to think about it.

As usual, the sceptic stepped in and repeated his old, old story. So I started to speak to people and all I spoke to were encouraging. I asked for signs and they came multifold. My sceptic, battered and bruised though he was, however, did not totally give up the fight and the final decision was still postponed this morning. I did not properly know where we were going and when we pulled into the car park in the vlllage of Dobogókő I just felt that things turned full circle and the process of arriving to claim my new being was finished.

I was told we we were walking to Rám Hill. i have no idea what this means in Hungarian but to someone who has sun, moon, mars and mercury in aries - there seemed to be some significance. Then, after a long ad beautiful walk , punctuated with ceremony, we arrived at the top of a hill. And there was the rock the village had been named after - "the drum stone" which is said to throb with the heartbeat of the planet. I had not bee before. I put my head against the rock and did not hear the beat but was aware that it was vibrating. The stone is situated above a very steep cliff and we sat for a while, resting in the hot sun after our exertions. A final test, I thought, and pulled out my Motherpeace tarot and, with eyes firm closed, pulled a card. The Fool. Not in fact, in Motherpeace stepping over the cliff, however, so that did not seem the right option. Stepping into the unknown, on the other hand, was.

So that was it. A ceremony went ahead and I claimed my name. It is a name of power - in Welsh legend, he was a wizard and giant after whom is named the second largest mountain in Wales. In Welsh, it means "fiery lord". Three times it is mentioned as tbe name of a prophet in the Koran. It has been alleged by some it derives originally from Osiris.

It has always been part of my name, but most of the timeunspoken. Now it will be voiced. It will take time to establish fully and there my well be those who insist on addressing me as Brian. That is OK.

I do not know how or who I will be. I know who Brian is - with good and bad qualities. Most of those may well remain. But there will be something new - qualities that have long been buried. But with the new name, some other qualities will emerge. Old habits ad patternswill lose their power to bind me. They will begin to fade as the new man, the priest and messenger of Inanna, emerges into view.

This, although long contemplated, is all very new. There are doubtless many things that I have not fully considered. For example, Facebook and search engines. Will tose who look for me still find me. I have no idea. OK - I have changed the profile here, for example, and dscovered that all the old posts are now signed Idris. Can that be changed? I will investigate.

Anyway, i will close and it will be signed as I now am




Haley @ Iridescent Dark said...

Welcome Idris ;)
I look forward to reading about how your new life unfolds with the blessings of your new name. (And being half-welsh, I love your name!)

Livia Indica said...

Good for you Bri- I mean Idris! Yeah, it'll take some time and might be awkward for some. But I think you made the right decision. I can't speak from experience as I've never taken a magical/ritual name. I've got my daily life family name and my online name but that's it. Dunno why, just never felt the desire to take a witch name. It's been 10 years now so I figure if I was going to feel the desire I would have by now. But, who knows?

Anyway, congrats.

Idris said...

Thanks for your good wishes. It is taking a bit of getting used to, I must confess. After all, I was Brian for a hell of a long time.

Karan said...

Dear Idris, you certainly did not take this decision lightheartedly. All these signs pointing towards it, slowly and gently overcoming your inner resistance - this is so profound.

May your name sing out to the world who you really are!


Idris said...

Thank you Karan

You are right, it was not an easy step to take - but I am sure that it was the right one. A lot of my resistance was, in facr, that the old scripts were telling me I was not "worthy" of the name as it is so powerful.

And I forgot that is is and always has been my name = waiting to be claimed.

I will sing the words that come to me and hope that people will hear. That is not under my control. Inanna leads and I follow. And life is wonderful