I am not too sure how to write this. I have been going over all sorts of different structures all day but none of them seemed satisfactory. So I will just write and see if I can avoid any serious use of the delete button. Because something happened in the temple on saturday night and now things are somehow changed. I cannot go back to the time before, even if I should want to. As I wrote last week, I was planning to initiate as Priest of Inanna and this has now happened. Nervous as hell, I arrived at the Temple and was then taken through a very profound ceremony which culminated in me making a vow of dedication to Inanna.
I will not go into the details of the ceremony here but it was always challenging and at times highly physically demanding. I cannot express fully the gratitude I feel to all the priest/esses who devised this journey for me and held me in their love as I went through it. It was wonderful. Now I have to see just what this fancy title I have claimed means because I have really very little idea. All I know is that I felt called to claim it and called to Her service.
I have written much about Inanna, both on this blog and elsewhere, and will not repeat it here now- although it is certain that I will many times in the future. I am very tired and also in a bit of pain, one part of the ceremony was such that I seem to have injured a rib - which for someone who can be overcome with sneezing fits is distinctly uncomfortable! Oh, well. So it goes.
So apart from the pain and tiredness, how do I feel? Really good! It makes perfect sense in some strange way that I have done this. There is a rightness about it that I cannot put into words. Over the last few months, I have had a growing awareness of her presence in all aspects of my life. Even as I, at times, felt close to despair or barely containing a rising panic at the perceived precarious realities of my life here, there has been an underlying knowledge that whatever happens is ok. Not in some sort of wishy-washy new agey panglossian optimism but with the very real conviction that I have work to do and that I will be given whatever I need to perform it.
I have not taken this step lightly - and I do not regret it